The BC
by UnicornRainbows
Summary: Yet another adaptation of the popular 1980s movie, The Breakfast Club, featuring Harry, Hermione, Draco, Luna and Neville.
1. Chapter 1

**AN and Disclaimer**: _As you all know, this story is derived from one of the most popular teen movies of the 1980's. Some of the members of the Brat Pack (Molly Ringwald, Anthony Michael Hall, Ally Sheedy, Judd Nelson and Emilio Estevez) starred in_ **_The Breakfast Club_** _in 1985._

_I wanted to borrow (as others have) the lines from the movie for my HP fanfic, so that means that I don't own either Harry Potter or the lines/plotline/script from_ **_The Breakfast Club_**.

**Characters:**

**Claire Standish - Hermione Granger**

**John Bender - Draco Malfoy**

**Brian Johnson - Neville Longbottom**

**Andrew "Andy" Clark - Harry Potter**

**Allison Reynolds - Luna Lovegood**

**Principal Richard Vernon - Professor Severus Snape**

**Carl the janitor- Mr. Filch the caretaker**

**Also included are Ginny Weasley and Angelina Johnson**

**Part One**

_Saturday, May 17, 1997 _

_1:35, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. Even though what we did **was **wrong, we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling **you** who we think **we** are. What do you care? I mean, you see us as you want to see us. In the simplest of terms, the most convenient of definitions. But what we found out is that each of us is a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. Does that answer your question? We saw ourselves that way at 7:00 this morning. Needless to say, we were brainwashed._

"Ugh. I can't believe I have detention. And on a Saturday, no less!" Hermione Granger groaned to her best friend, Ginny Weasley, as she headed to the school library for her detention.

"Well, don't look at _me_, 'Mione. _You're_ the one who decided to skip Potions to go shopping in Hogsmeade. Why'd you do that, anyway?"

Hermione groaned. "I needed a break from school. I know it sounds weird coming from me, but it's true. I can't take the pressure anymore!"

Ginny nodded understandingly. "I see what you mean. Sorry you have detention, though. And with _Snape_, too!"

Ginny made retching noises, which made Hermione giggle.

The two reached the door of the library. "Where are you going?" Hermione asked.

Ginny sighed. "Hogsmeade. Ron, Fred and George are all waiting for me. Nothing special."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Oh, I'm _so_ sure," she said. "Well, see you later."

"See you. And don't worry –you'll be out of there before you can say…abracadabra!"

Hermione rolled her eyes again. She waved to Ginny and ducked inside the library.

Since there was no one else inside the library, she took a seat in front of the room.

_I wonder if Snape will give me some leeway on this stupid detention since I'm the first one on time_, she thought. She then snorted. _Yeah, right._

Hermione sighed. _What's going to happen now? _She thought glumly.

* * *

Neville Longbottom crumpled up his letter from his grandmother as he walked to the library for his detention. In the letter, his grandmother had told him how disappointed she was in him for causing whatever he had done to earn the detention. 

_**This had better be the first **and** last time you do this, Neville. I can't even begin to tell you how disappointed I am in you. You'd better use the time you have in there to your advantage. Your parents would be pretty angry with you if they ever learned about this. Do not shame your parents, dear. This is NOT the way you were brought up. When you go in there, just do what you're supposed to do, listen to Snape (no matter how much you dislike him) and we'll forget this ever happened, alright? I love you, dear.**_

_**Love,**_

_**Gran**_

Neville angrily tossed the letter in the trash when he got inside the library. Hermione Granger was already seated. He gave her a brief smile and sat down at a middle table in the second row.

_Wonder what Hermione did to get in here, _Neville wondered. He couldn't imagine Hermione doing anything wrong.

Little did he know, Hermione was wondering the same thing.

* * *

Angelina Johnson, the Quidditch captain for Gryffindor House, escorted Harry Potter to the library for Harry's detention. Angelina was not happy because the team had a match against Hufflepuff and Harry was the team's best Chaser. 

Harry wasn't happy, either. _I can't believe I have to spend the day with Snape in detention. I'd rather eat an entire bag of slugs before I'd spend the day with him_, he thought glumly. He told Angelina what he'd been thinking.

Angelina scowled at Harry. Then she sighed. "Look, Harry, I understand, okay? People like to fool around. You fooled around and so have I. There's nothing wrong with that, but _you_ got caught. But _please_ don't let it happen again. We can't afford to lose you if you continue going on like this. You're the best Seeker we've got."

Harry groaned and frowned. "Whatever," he said as he went inside the library.

He was surprised to find both Neville and Hermione already seated. Hermione smiled at him as she offered him a seat next to her. He smiled back and he took it.

* * *

Draco Malfoy crossed the school grounds for his detention. He couldn't believe his misfortune when Snape, _Snape_, of all people, gave him detention. 

_Who the bloody hell does he think he is? I thought us Slytherins were his teacher's pets!_

Draco had a second thought to send a letter to his father, but then decided against it. He didn't need his father to do his dirty work. _He_ was going to get back at Snape. Today, he was going to make Snape's Saturday a living hell. He beamed at the thought as he opened the door to the library. To his dismay, he found Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Neville Longbottom all already there, seated.

_Just what I needed. Little Miss Perfect, Mr. Hero and Sir Geek. Who else is going to come and join this band of losers? _He thought bitterly.

He began knocking things over on the desk and took Madame Pince's quill and stuck it in his pocket. He then sat at a table behind Hermione and Harry.

A minute later, Luna Lovegood walked in after Draco had walked in and sat down at a table behind Neville. She turned, facing the window and bowed her head. Harry snorted a laugh as did Hermione.

A minute later, Severus Snape walked into the room, carrying five rolls of parchment and five quills. He looked extremely grumpy as he stood in front of the classroom, staring at the five students.

"Well, well," he replied in a dull, cold tone. "Here we are. I'd like to congratulate you all for actually being on time." The library clock read 6:45.

Hermione raised her hand. "Excuse me, professor," she said. "I think there may have been a mistake. I know this is detention, but…well, I don't I belong in here."

Snape ignored her. "It's now 6:45," he said, looking at his magical watch. "You all have eight hours and fifty-four minutes to think about why you're here."

As he talked, Draco spit into the air and caught it back into his mouth. Hermione gasped with utter disgust.

"You will not talk," Snape replied as he passed around the parchment and quills. "You will not sleep, you will not move from your seats. And, as an added little bonus, you all will be writing a one-thousand word essay on who you think you are. Writing one word a thousand times doesn't count. Is that clear, Mr. Malfoy?"

Draco smirked. "Crystal," he said.

Neville stood up from his chair. "I can tell you that right now, sir. Who I am, I mean. I'm --"

"Sit down, Longbottom," Snape ordered. Neville reluctantly sat back down.

"Good. Now, I'll be the office across the corridor, so I don't want you lot to try anything funny. Do any of you have any questions?" He asked. Draco raised his hand and Snape addressed him.

"Yes, I have a question. Does Dracula know you raid his closet?" he asked.

"You can ask that question in detention next Saturday, Mr. Malfoy," Snape replied. "I'll be across the corridor now. I expect_ none_ of you will try anything funny." And with that, he left.

Draco made a face behind his back, which made Hermione almost giggle. Draco glanced at her for a quick second, but nothing more was said.

There was silence. Suddenly, a loud snapping noise could be heard from the back of the room. Harry, Hermione, Neville and Draco all turned their heads to Luna, who was biting her fingernails loudly.

"You know," Draco said to her. "If you keep eating your hands, you won't have any room for lunch."

Luna spit a nail at him.

"I've seen you around, you know," Draco said to Luna. Luna didn't answer and continued biting her nails. Draco looked bored.

Neville began fiddling with his quill, trying to think of what to write. "Who am I?" he muttered to himself. "Who am I? Who are _you_?" He stuck the quill in the back of his head. "I'm an Indian," he said.

He had no idea Draco was staring at him. When he turned and saw him, Neville nodded and smiled at Draco nervously.

Draco rolled his eyes. _What a dweeb_, he thought. He then turned his attention to Harry and Hermione, who were both quiet.

He crumbled up his essay parchment and threw it at Hermione. However, it missed and it flew over her head. Both Harry and Hermione noticed it, but decided to ignore it.

Draco decided he'd better start taking matters into his own hands. He started making noises to get their attention, loudly humming the tune of a Weird Sisters song.

Hermione looked annoyed. "I can't believe this is_ really_ happening to me," she muttered.

Draco stopped humming and looked around frantically, as if he had suddenly realized something.

"Oh, shit! What do we do if we have to take a piss?" he asked.

"Oh, my God," Hermione replied.

"When you gotta go, you gotta go," Draco replied, unzipping his pants and leaning over.

Harry looked underneath the table. "Hey, Malfoy! You're not pissing in here!" he hissed annoyingly.

"Shhh! The more you talk, the more it wants to go back in!" Draco said.

"You're dead if even one drop hits the floor!" Harry threatened.

Draco smirked. "You know, Potter, you're pretty sexy when you get angry," he remarked.

Harry clenched his fist and glared at Draco.

"Hey, you," Draco said to Neville.

"Who, me?" Neville asked.

"Yeah. Go close that door," he commanded. "Then we can all impregnate Little Miss Perfect here," he said, referring to Hermione.

"Hey!" Harry snapped, defending Hermione.

"What?" Draco asked innocently.

"If I lose my temper, you're dead."

Draco snorted contemptibly. "Am I?"

"Yes, you are."

Hermione glared at Draco. "Would you just knock it off? No one around here cares."

"Really," Harry said in agreement. He turned back around.

"Hey, scarhead. What are you in here for? Did you forget to iron your Quidditch robes?" Draco asked, taunting Harry.

Harry spun around to face Draco again. "Look, Malfoy! Just because you're Snape's pet, doesn't give you an excuse to be a git, so knock it off!" he said angrily.

"It's a free country," Draco told him, smirking.

"He's just doing all of this to get under your skin, so just ignore him," Hermione said to Harry.

"Sweetheart," Draco said to Hermione. Hermione looked at him.

"You couldn't ignore me even if you tried. I'm irresistible."

Hermione rolled her eyes and turned her back to Draco.

"So…are you two like boyfriend and girlfriend?" Draco asked Harry and Hermione. "Steady dates? Lov-ers? Come on, Potter, level with me. Do you give her a slip of your wand?"

Hermione whirled around angrily. "Go to hell!" she yelled.

"Enough!" Harry yelled.

"What the bloody hell is going on in there!" Snape yelled, looking up from a paper he was grading. There was quiet once again.

"Pricks," he muttered.

Back in the classroom, Harry and Draco were exchanging glances. "Scumbag," Harry muttered, turning away from Draco.

Draco stepped out of his seat and perched himself on top of the librarian's desk. "Why don't we close that door? We can't have any fun if Snape's checking on us every second."

"Well, the door's supposed to stay open," Neville pointed out to him.

"So?" Draco asked.

"So there are four other people in here that would rather not be here next Saturday," Harry replied.

Draco clapped softly. "Good, _very_ good, Potter," he said, mocking Harry. "You can count! I knew you had to be smart to be a Seeker!"

"Who are you to judge?" Harry questioned him. Luna and Neville looked on with interest.

"_Really_," Hermione added, agreeing with Harry.

"You know, Malfoy. You don't even count. If you disappeared forever, it wouldn't make a difference. You may as well not even exist at this school," Harry added.

Draco bit his lip and shot back at Harry, "Well, then. Guess I'll go back and try out for the Quidditch team again!"

Hermione and Harry looked at each other and snickered.

"Maybe the Hogwarts' student counsel, too," Draco continued.

"They wouldn't take you," Harry said.

"Aw, I'm hurt," Draco said in a falsely sad tone.

Hermione turned to Draco. "I know why people like you knock everything," she said, matter-of-factly.

"Oh, this should be good. I want to hear what Little Miss Perfect has to say," Draco said.

"It's because you're afraid," Hermione concluded, smiling at him.

"Merlin! You perfectionists are _so_ smart! That's _exactly_ why I don't participate in any activities!" Draco told her with mock enthusiasm.

"You're a coward," she said.

Neville felt a little left out of the conversation, so he spoke up. "I'm in the Arithmancy club," he said, but no one had heard him.

"You're afraid they won't you accept you again, so you insult it left and right because you're bitter," Hermione said.

"Well, it wouldn't have anything to do with you activities people being assholes, now would it?" Draco asked.

Hermione shrugged. "Well, you wouldn't know. You don't know any of us," she said.

"Well, I don't know any lepers, vampires or trolls, but I'm not about to go join any of their fucking clubs, either!" Draco said with a smug grin.

"Hey, let's the watch the mouth, okay?" Harry ordered, glaring at Draco.

"I'm in the Charms club, too," Neville added.

"Excuse me," Draco said to Hermione. He looked up to talk to Neville. "What are you babbling about?" he asked him.

"Uh, well, what I was saying is that I'm in the Arithmancy Club, the Charms Club and the Herbology Club," he replied.

Draco looked back to Hermione. "Hey, Cherry, do _you_ belong to the Arithmancy Club?" he asked.

"That's an academic club," she said, nearly rolling her eyes.

"So?" Draco replied.

"So academic clubs aren't the same as other types of clubs," she finished.

Draco pointed at Neville. "Oh, but to geeks like him, they are," he said. He looked back to Neville. "What do you do in your club?" he asked.

Neville cleared his throat. "Well, in the Arithmancy Club, we talk about Arithmancy and different properties of Arithmancy," Neville explained.

"So, it's sort of social – demented and sad, but social. Right?" Draco asked.

"Yeah. I guess you could consider it a social situation," Neville replied. "I mean, yeah, there are other students in my club. And, um, at the end of the year, we have a big banquet in the Great Hall."

"You load up, you party," Draco suggested to him.

"Well, no. We get dressed up, but we don't get…we don't get high," Neville stated.

"Only stoners like you get high," Hermione said to Draco. Draco stared at her.

"And I really didn't have any shoes, so my Gran let me wear my dad's old shoes. She was reluctant about it, though. And my cousin, Herbert? He lives in Wales and he got high once, you know, and he started eating all these weird foods. Then, you know, he sort of just felt like he didn't belong anywhere," Neville rambled on.

Hermione gave a small laugh as she looked at Draco. "Sounds like you," she said to him.

Harry looked at the open door Snape had left open nervously. "Look, if you lot keep up your talking, Snape's going to march right in here. I have a Quidditch game next Saturday and I'm not going miss it on account of you boneheads," he replied.

Draco looked at Harry with mock concern. "Oh! Wouldn't that just be a bummer, huh?" He made a fake moan. "Missing a whole Quidditch game!"

Harry gave Draco a fierce look. "Well, you wouldn't know anything about it, faggot! The whole time you were on your team, you never took the game seriously! You've never even tried!"

"Oh, I know!" Draco said to Harry with mock hurt and sadness. "And I feel all empty inside because of it. I have _such_ a _deep _admiration for guys saddling and riding broomsticks and rolling around in the mud with other guys."

"You'd never miss it," Harry scoffed. "You don't have any goals."

"Oh, but I do,"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! I want to be _just like you_! I figure all I need is a Bludger to the head and a pair of tights."

Neville looked at Harry incredulously. "You wear tights?" he asked.

Harry turned to him. "No, I do _not_ wear tights. I wear the required uniform," he told him.

"Tights," Neville said matter-of-factly.

"Shut up," Harry snapped.

Just at that moment, Draco heard Snape step out of his office. Draco then leapt into a seat between Harry and Hermione. As Snape's footsteps grew more and more softly, Draco walked over to the open door.

"You know, there's not supposed to be any nonsense," Neville replied.

"Young man, have you finished your paper?" Draco asked him sternly.

Draco peered up and down the corridor cautiously and then began unscrewing one of the screws that held the door open.

"What are you doing?" Hermione asked him.

"Drop dead, hopefully," Harry suggested to her.

The door slammed shut and its echo could be heard through the corridor.

"That's very funny, Malfoy," Harry said bitterly as Draco made his way back to his original seat. "Now fix it."

"You really should fix that," Neville agreed.

"Am I a genius?" Draco asked braggingly.

"No, you're a git," Harry replied.

"What a funny guy you are, Potter!" Draco said sarcastically.

"Fix the door, Malfoy!"

"Everybody just… shhh! Be quiet!" Draco ordered everyone.

As Snape walked back to his office, he heard voices:

"I've been here before. I know what I'm doing," Draco said.

"No! Go over there and fix the door!" Harry ordered.

"Shut up, Potter!" Draco yelled.

Snape burst in. "WHY IS THIS DOOR CLOSED?" He yelled.

"How would we know? We're not supposed to move, right?" Draco asked.

No one answered. "Why is it closed?" he asked again.

Snape turned to Hermione. "Why is this door closed?" he asked her.

"We're all just sitting here, like we're supposed to," Hermione spoke up.

"I think a screw fell out of it," Draco added.

"It just closed, sir," Harry lied, nearly kicking himself for defending Draco Malfoy.

Snape looked up at Luna. "Why is--"

Before he could finish speaking, Luna began squeaking and hid her head underneath the hood of her robe, smashing her face against the table.

"She doesn't talk, sir," Draco replied.

"Give me the screw," Snape said, turning to Draco.

"I don't have it," Draco replied.

"Do you want me to yank you out of that seat and shake it out of you?" Snape threatened.

Draco continued to look calm, cool and collected. "I don't have it. Screws fall out. The world's an imperfect place."

"Give it to me, Mr. Malfoy," Snape demanded.

"Excuse me, sir," Hermione piped up. "But why would anyone want to steal a screw?"

"Watch it, Granger!" Snape warned.

Snape glared at Draco as he picked up a chair and tried to hold the door open with it.

"The door's _way_ too heavy, sir," Draco told him.

Snape ignored him and put the chair in front of the door. The door slammed shut and knocked the chair out of the way. The students tried their best not to laugh as they heard Snape from the other side of the door, yelling and cursing.

Snape opened the door and stepped back inside. "Potter, come here!" He ordered. Harry reluctantly got up and walked over to him.

"How come Potter gets to get up?" Draco asked indigently. "If he gets up, we'll _all_ get up. It'll be anarchy!"

Harry and Snape both picked up a small but heavy in front of the door. The bookshelf was able to keep the door opened, but it blocked the doorway entirely. As Harry tried to walk back inside, he tripped over all the books inside the shelf.

"That's very clever, sir," Draco replied. "But what if there's a_ fire_? I think violating fire codes and endangering the lives of children would be unwise at this juncture of your career, sir."

Snape glared at Draco. He looked back to Harry and snapped. "Alright, what are you doing? Get this away from here."

Harry pushed the bookshelf back to its original location.

"You know, the school comes with fire escapes equipped at either end of the library," Neville said quietly.

"Yeah. Couldn't he just use _magic_ to keep the door open?" Hermione whispered, giggling softly.

"Hey, show the man some respect!" Draco said sarcastically.

Snape and Harry both returned back to the main part of the library. "Let's go! Back to your seat!" Snape barked at Harry. Harry sat back down. "You know, I expected more from a Gryffindor, Mr. Potter," Snape said to Harry.

Snape turned to face Draco. "You're not fooling anyone, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said. "The next screw that falls out is going to be you!"

As Snape turned to leave, Draco mumbled, "Eat my shorts."

Snape whirled back around. "What was that?" he questioned, returning back to Draco.

Draco gave Snape a smug grin. "Eat…my…shorts!" he repeated, yelling.

"You just bought yourself another Saturday, right there, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said.

"Merlin, I'm crushed," Draco retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"You just got another one right there!"

Draco felt himself getting angry. "Well, I'm free the Saturday after that, but beyond that, I think I'm going to have to check my calendar!"

"Good, because it's going to be filled! We'll keep going! You want another? One more word. Just say the word, say the word! Instead of going to Azkaban, you can come here! Are you through?"

Draco glared at Snape. "No!" he yelled.

"I'm doing society a favor!" Snape yelled back.

"So?"

"That's another one, right there. I've got you for the rest of your natural born life if you don't watch your step! You want another one?"

Draco folded his arms and continued glaring at Snape. "Yes!" he replied, egging him on.

"You got another one!"

Hermione stared at Draco in shock, her face full of worry and concern. "Cut it out!" she exclaimed to Draco. Draco gave her a brief glance. Hermione mouthed 'stop' to Draco.

"You through, Mr. Malfoy?" Snape asked.

"Not even close!" Draco challenged.

"You've just bought another!"

"Do you really think I give a shit?" he asked.

"Another?" Snape offered. Draco continued to glare daggers at him. "You through?"

"How many is that?" Draco asked.

"Six, plus one when you asked Professor Snape if he raided Dracula's closet," Neville informed him.

"No," Snape said to Neville. "It's eight! You stay out of it or you'll get one as well!"

"I'm sorry, sir," Neville said to him as politely as he could muster. "But it's seven."

"Quiet, Longbottom!" He turned back to Draco. "You're mine for the next two months, Mr. Malfoy! Two months."

"What can I say? I'm thrilled!" Draco said, throwing his hands into the air.

"Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you want these people to believe," Snape replied. "You know something, Mr. Malfoy? You ought to spend a little more time trying to do something with yourself and little less trying to impress people. You might be better off."

Snape then addressed the rest of the students. "Alright, that's it! I'm going to be right outside these doors. The next time I have to come in here, I'm cracking skulls!"

As Snape left the room again, Draco mockingly mouthed Snape.

As Snape left the room and closed the door, Draco screamed "FUCK YOU!" at him.

Snape sighed. They were getting more and more out of control and arrogant each minute.

Snape sighed again. _I don't know what I'm going to do with these kids_, he thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Part Two**

The clock read 7:45. Hermione began daydreaming; Harry was playing with the hood of his robes; Neville was fiddling with his quill again; Draco lit the tip of his shoe on fire with his wand and then extinguishing it with his hand; Luna found a stray piece of thread hanging from her robes and started wrapping it around one of her fingers, watching it turn purple.

As more and more time passed, Draco played air guitar; Hermione continued daydreaming; Harry played paper Quidditch; Neville was looking at something in his wallet; and Luna was drawing a picture of a house. She shook her hair violently as dandruff fell onto it, making it look like snow. Luna beamed happily to herself.

A few minutes later, the five fell asleep.

Snape walked in and found the five students sleeping with their heads on the tables.

"Wake up!" He barked.

Each student slowly raised their heads up slightly. "Who has to use the loo?" he asked.

They all raised their hands.

At around 10:30, Draco began tearing pages out of a library book and started throwing the pages around.

"That's really intelligent, you know," Harry remarked as he began stretching his legs on a nearby pole.

"You're right," Draco said as he continued to rip pages out of the book. "It's wrong to destroy literature." He took a quick glance at the author's name on the cover.

"And Mall-yay is _such_ fun to read!" he replied, mispronouncing the name of the Muggle Frenchman's name.

"Mol-yare," Hermione corrected him, pronouncing his name correctly. She smiled at him.

"I love his work," Neville added. Draco tossed the remnants of the book at him and got up from his seat at Madam Pince's desk.

"Big deal," Draco replied, groaning. "Nothing to do when you're in a locked vacancy."

"Speak for yourself," Harry replied.

"Do you think I'd speak for you, Potter? I don't even speak your language," Draco sneered.

Harry ignored him and turned to Hermione. "Are your parents confining you to your house this summer?" he asked her.

"I don't know. Mum said I was, but Dad just said to blow her off," Hermione replied.

"Well, Seamus is planning a big party at his house this summer. His parents are in Sweden. Should be pretty wild…"

"Yeah?" Hermione asked with interest.

"Yeah. Can you go?"

"I doubt it."

"How come?" Harry wanted to know.

"Well, because if I do what my mother tells me not to do, it's because my father says it's okay. There's like this whole big deal. It's endless and it's driving me crazy. It's like any minute, they'll get a divorce," Hermione explained to Harry.

"Who do you like better?" Draco asked, butting into the conversation.

Hermione looked up. "What?" she asked.

"You like your old man better than your mom?"

"They're both strict."

"No, I mean if you had to choose between them, I mean."

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. I'd probably go live with my older sister. I mean, I don't think either one gives a shit about me. It's like they use me to get back at each other."

"HA!" A voice exclaimed from the back of the room.

Everyone turned around to see where the voice had come from. The voice belonged to Luna, who just sat in her seat, blowing some of her hair out of her eyes and grinning.

"Shut up!" Hermione snapped at her.

"You're just feeling sorry for yourself," Harry said.

"Yeah, well if I didn't, nobody else would," Hermione said.

"Aw, you're breaking my heart," Harry said mockingly.

"Scarhead?" Draco asked Harry.

"What?" Harry asked irritably.

"You get along with your family back home?" Draco asked.

"Well, if I say yes, I'm an idiot, right?"

Draco hopped off the desk and stood in front of Harry. "Well, you're an idiot anyways, but if you say you get along with your family, you're a liar, too."

Draco walked away from Harry. Harry glared at him. He followed him and gave him a light shove.

"You know something? If Snape wasn't here, keeping an eye on us, I'd kick your ass," Harry told him.

Draco smirked. "Oh, _really_? Do you_ really_ think I'm afraid of you, Potter?" he asked, stepping up closer to Harry, face to face.

Neville stepped in between the two boys. "Guys, come on," he said, trying to split them apart. Harry jerked away from Neville.

"I don't get along with my grandmother, either," Neville said. "Her idea of parental compassion is…just ridiculous!"

Draco looked at Neville. "Dork," he said. "You are a parent's wet dream, okay?"

"Well, that's the problem," Neville replied as Draco walked away from him.

Draco turned back around. "Look, I can see you're pissed about how your grandmother's making you wear those kinds of clothes, but face it; you're a dweeb. What would you be doing if you weren't out making yourself a better citizen?"

"Why do you have to insult everybody?" Harry asked.

Draco groaned. "I'm being _honest_, asshole! I'd expect _you_ to know the difference!"

"Yeah, well, he's got a name."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Harry said. He turned to Neville. "What's your name?" he asked Neville.

"Neville," he answered.

"See?" Harry said to Draco.

"My condolences," Draco said as he walked away.

"What's your name?" Hermione asked.

"You already know what my name is," Draco snapped.

"Okay, what's your middle name?"

"What's _your_ middle name, Granger?"

"It's Jane," Hermione answered.

"_Jane_?"

"Yes. Jane. It's a family name," Hermione explained.

"No," Draco disagreed. "Jane's a fat girl's name."

"What are you talking about? I'm not fat!" Hermione replied. And she wasn't; Hermione was very petite.

"Well, not at the present moment, but I could really see you pushing maximum density," Draco replied. "See, I'm not sure if you know this, Granger, but there are at least two different kinds of fat people. There are fat people that were _born_ to be fat, and then there are fat people that were _once_ thin but they _became_ fat. So, when you look at them, you can sort of see that thin person inside. You see, you're going to get married, you'll have a few kids and then…" Draco began making loud noises, imitating someone evolving into a fat person. He broke out laughing. Hermione gave him the finger.

"Oh, such an obscene gesture from such a pristine girl," Draco taunted.

"I'm not_ that_ pristine," Hermione scoffed, scowling at Draco.

Draco leaned closer to Hermione and gazed at her intently, face to face.

"Are you a virgin?" He asked. "I'll bet a million galleons that you are!"

"Why don't you just shut up?" Hermione asked.

Draco ignored her. "Tell me, Granger. Is it going to be a white wedding? Let's end the suspense, shall we? Have you ever snogged a boy on the mouth? Have you ever been felt up, Granger? Over the bra, under the blouse, shoes off, praying to Merlin and the skies above that your head of house or a prefect doesn't walk in?"

Hermione stared at Draco, wanting to cry. "Do you want me to puke?" she asked.

Draco continued his assault. "Over the knickers, no bra, blouse unbuttoned, knickers in a ball at the Astronomy Tower at midnight on a school night?" Draco continued, undressing Hermione with his eyes.

Harry couldn't stand the embarrassment Draco was giving to Hermione anymore. Hermione looked ready to cry.

Harry stood up. "Leave her alone," he said.

Draco looked at Harry; Hermione as well.

"I _said,_ leave her alone," Harry repeated as he walked towards Draco. He stopped by Neville.

"Are you going to make me?" Draco asked, challenging Harry.

"Yeah," Harry said. Draco suddenly walked towards Harry and stood in front of him.

"You and how many of your friends?" Draco asked him.

"Just me and you. Two hits," Harry confirmed. "Me hitting you and you hitting the floor. Anytime you're ready."

As Draco tried to hit Harry, Harry dodged his fist and performed a wrestling maneuver he had seen his cousin Dudley perform on his smaller and weaker opponents.

He wrestled Draco to the floor.

"I don't want to get into this with you, Potter," Draco said.

"Why not?" Harry asked, releasing his hold on Draco.

Draco got up. "Because I'd kill you. It's real simple, Potter. I'd kill you and your fucking family would sue me and it would be a big mess and I don't care enough about you to bother."

"Chickenshit," Harry muttered as walked away and returned to his seat next to Hermione.

Draco pulled out a switchblade, revealing its sharp blade. He stuck it into a chair. As he did, Luna reached out and grabbed the blade when Draco or anyone had been looking.

"Let's end this right now, alright? You don't talk to her, you don't look at her and you don't even _think_ about her! Understand me?" Harry commanded.

"I'm trying to help her," Draco simply answered.

Five minutes later, as everyone had finally been seated, Mr. Filch and his cat, Mrs. Norris, walked in. Draco watched him.

"Filch?" Draco asked.

"What do you buggers want?" Filch asked grumpily.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"What?"

"How does one become a caretaker?"

"You want to become a caretaker?"

"No. I just want to know how one _becomes_ a caretaker because Potter here is very interested in pursuing a career in the custodial arts."

Filch looked at Draco in disbelief. "Oh, really? Do you kids think I'm just some untouchable peasant? A serf? A peon? Maybe so. But after following a broom after shitheads like you for the past six years, I've learned a couple of things. I look through your letters. I listen to your conversations, you don't know that, but I do. I am the eyes and ears of this institution, my friends."

He shook his head as he looked at his watch. "Oh, and by the way, that clock on the wall is twenty minutes fast."

As everyone else groaned, Draco smiled.

At 11:30, Snape left the office across the office. While he was gone, Draco began whistling a marching tune, which everyone else joined into as well. When Snape entered the room, Draco began whistling the tune of Beethoven's Fifth.

"Alright," Snape announced. "You have thirty minutes for lunch."

"_Here?_ In the library?" Harry asked.

"Here. In the library," Snape confirmed.

"Well, I think the Great Hall would be a more suitable place for us to eat lunch in, sir," Harry said.

"Well, I don't care what you think, Potter," Snape snapped.

"Excuse me? Will milk be made available to us?" Draco asked.

"We're extremely thirsty, sir," Harry added.

"I have a very low tolerance for dehydration," Hermione said.

"I've seen her dehydrate, sir," Harry lied. "It's pretty gross."

Draco nodded politely. "Relax. I'll get it," he said.

"Hold it! Do you think I was born yesterday, Malfoy? Do you think I'm going to have you roaming these corridors?" Snape demanded.

Snape looked around the room for a perfect candidate to fetch the drinks.

"You," he said, pointing to Harry. "And…."

Harry pointed to Hermione, wanting her to come with him. Hermione straightened her shoulders.

"And you," Snape finished, pointing to Luna. Luna wouldn't move, sitting in her same position towards the side.

"Hey, hey! What's her name? Somebody wake her up. Come on, come on! On your feet, missy! This isn't a rest home!"

Luna got up from her seat and picked up her raggy-looking grey messenger bag. She followed Harry.

"There's a butterbeer and pumpkin juice machine in the staff room," Snape informed them as they left.

As the two of them walked down the hall, Harry began talking to her. Luna hadn't said a word all day and he wanted to get_ something_ out of her.

"So, what's your poison?" he asked her idly.

Luna didn't answer.

"What do you drink?" Harry asked again.

When Luna still didn't answer, Harry gave up. "Okay. Forget I asked," he said.

"Firewhiskey," Luna answered.

"Firewhiskey? When do you drink firewhiskey?" Harry asked.

Luna walked ahead of Harry. "Whenever," she said, shrugging.

"A lot?" Harry asked.

Luna smiled. "Tons," she answered.

"Is that why you're here? What are you here for? Why are you here?" Harry asked.

"Why are _you_ here?" Luna snapped.

Harry leaned against the wall and looked at Luna. "Well, I'm here because I screwed up. I messed up and now I'm here to pay the consequences for my actions. You see, I'm a Seeker and I'm pretty fast. If I keep getting into trouble, it could cost me my entire Quidditch season," he answered.

"Yeah?" Luna asked, not convinced. "That's _really _interesting. Now why don't you tell me why you're _really _in here?"

Harry shook his head. "Forget it!" he snapped.

Back in the library, as Hermione, Draco and Neville waited for Harry and Luna to return, Draco was flipping through a book, Hermione was painting her nails and Neville was sharpening his quill.

"Granger, you want to see a picture of a guy with elephantitus of the nuts?" he asked.

Hermione looked disgusted. "No, thank you," she said.

"How do you think he rides a broomstick?"

Hermione rolled her eyes in utter repulsion and turned away from Draco.

"Would you ever consider dating a guy like this?" he prodded.

Hermione groaned in frustration. "Won't you just leave me alone?" she asked.

"I mean," Draco continued. "If he had a great personality and was a great dancer and had a cool broomstick, although you'd probably have to ride a broom of your own because his nuts would be taking up all of his."

"You know what I wish I were doing?" Hermione muttered to no one in particular.

"Watch what you say, Granger. Longbottom here is a cherry!" Draco teased.

"I wish I was on a plane heading to France," Hermione finished.

"A cherry? I'm not a cherry!" Neville said defensively.

"When have you ever shagged anyone?" Draco asked him.

"I've shagged lots of times," Neville lied.

"Name _one_."

"There's this one girl who lives in Northern Ireland. You wouldn't know her," Neville lied again.

"Ever shagged anyone around _here_?" Draco asked.

Neville shushed Draco and pointed to Hermione, who had her back turned.

Draco's mouth flew open. "You mean you and Granger did it?" he asked in surprise.

At the mention of her name, Hermione spun around. "What are you two talking about?" she asked.

"Nothing, nothing," Neville lied. "Let's just drop it and talk more about it later," he hissed to Draco.

"No! Drop what? I want to know what you said," Hermione demanded.

"Well, what Longbottom is trying to tell me is that in addition to the _number_ of girls in the Northern Ireland area, that presently you and he are riding the hobbyhorse!" Draco told her.

"Little pig!" Hermione yelled at Neville.

"No, no! I'm not!" Neville defended himself, feeling cornered. "Malfoy said I was a cherry and I said I wasn't. That's it! That's all I said!"

"Well, then. What were you motioning to Granger for?" Draco asked.

"I don't appreciate this very much, Neville," Hermione said disappointingly.

"He's lying!" Neville replied.

"Oh, so you_ weren't_ motioning to Hermione?" Draco asked.

"You know he's lying, right?" Neville pleaded to Hermione.

"Were you or were you not motioning to Hermione?" Draco asked again, interrogating Neville.

"Yeah, but it was only because…only because I didn't want anyone to know I was a virgin," Neville said, looking embarrassed, ashamed and defeated.

Draco only stared at him.

"Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm sorry," Neville replied.

Hermione laughed a little. "Why didn't you want anyone to know you were a virgin?" she asked.

"Because it's my business. It's my personal, private business," he answered.

"Well, Longbottom," Draco replied. "It looks like you're not doing _any_ business."

"_I_ think it's okay for a guy to be a virgin," Hermione told Neville reassuringly.

Draco looked at her in surprise.

"You do?" Neville asked. Hermione simply smiled and nodded.

At lunch, everyone sat back at their tables and pulled out their lunches, except for Draco, who had forgotten his.

Hermione pulled out her small lunch bag and set it upon the table.

"What's in there?" Draco asked.

"Guess. Where's your lunch?" she asked.

"You're wearing it," he answered.

"You're nauseating."

Draco picked up a can of pumpkin juice and tossed it to Luna, who caught it without even looking up. She was deeply engrossed in an issue of the Quibbler.

Hermione took out a sushi platter and set it on the table.

"What's that?" Draco asked curiously.

"Sushi," she answered.

"Sushi?"

"Yeah. Rice, raw fish and seaweed. It's a popular Muggle Japanese dish."

"You won't accept a bloke's tongue in your mouth, but you're eating _that?_"

"Can I eat?" Hermione begged impatiently.

"I don't know. Give it a try," Draco replied.

Hermione rolled her eyes at him and began to eat.

Harry's lunch consisted of a large meal. He pulled out two sandwiches, an apple, a banana, a bag of cookies, four Chocolate Frogs and a large container of pumpkin juice. While Harry opened one of his sandwiches, Luna opened the can of pumpkin juice Draco had tossed to her. The drink fizzed all over. Luna slurped the drink loudly off the top of the can, the table and her fingers.

After everyone's eyes left Luna, Draco turned to look at Harry and his lunch.

"What's your problem?" Harry asked. Draco shrugged.

Luna opened her lunch bag and took out an olive loaf sandwich. She took the meat out and threw it into the air with disdain. The meat landed on a statue with a splat and then on the floor. Luna then took some Muggle powdered candy called Pixie Stix her father had bought for her. She sprinkled all the candy on the slices of bread. She then grabbed a bag of a Muggle cereal called Cinnamon Toast Crunch and dumped handfuls of it on the slices. She smooshed it together and put the bread together. When the sandwich was done, she took a huge bite of it. The sandwich made a loud crunch.

After everyone's heads turned from Luna a second time, Draco walked over to Neville, grabbing his lunch bag.

"What're we having?" he asked him.

"It's your standard regular lunch, I guess," Neville answered.

Draco reached into the bag. He pulled out a round, red, cylinder container. "Milk?" He asked.

"No. Soup," Neville answered.

Draco reached back into the bag and pulled out a juice box container. Neville reached toward the bag, but Draco slapped his hand away. "That's apple juice," Neville told him.

"I _can_ read!" Draco snapped. He continued taking items out of Neville's lunch bag "Peanut butter and jelly with the crusts cut off," he replied. "Well, Longbottom. This is a very nutritious lunch. All the major food groups are represented. I assume some female in your family taught you how to make a lunch as _fine_ as this. Did your mum marry Mr. Dweeb?"

"Uh, no. Mr. Longbottom," Neville said.

"Ahh," Draco replied unstandingly. Hermione and Harry exchanged smiles.

Draco stood up. "Here's my impression of life at Neville Longbottom's house," he announced.

He stood in front of the others and began his impressions:

In a loud, friendly voice: **Son!**

In a childlike voice: Yeah, Dad?

**How was your school year, pal?**

Great, Dad! How was your time while I was gone?

**Super! Say, how'd you like to go fishing this weekend?**

Great, Dad! But I can't! I have homework to do!

**That's alright, son! You can do it on the boat!**

Gee!

**Dear, isn't our son swell?**

In a motherly, female voice: Yes, dear. Isn't_ life_ swell?

Draco began miming the mother kissing the father and the father kissing the mother. He ended it with the father punching the mother in the face, making a huge explosion.

"Alright," Harry said, looking at the miserable expressions on Neville's face. "What about _your_ family?"

"Oh, mine? That's easy," Draco replied as he got back up again.

He then put on a louder, threatening voice to sound like his father**: Stupid, worthless, God-dammed, freeloading, son of a bitch, know-it-all asshole!**

As his mother: You also forgot lazy, ugly and disrespectful.

Draco mimed his father slapping his mother: **Shut up, you stupid bitch!**

Draco used his normal voice, being himself: _What about you, Dad?_

**Fuck you!**

Draco raised his voice: _No, Dad! What about you_?

**Fuck you!**

Draco reached out and pretended to be his father hitting him.

"Is that for real?" Neville asked.

"You want come over sometime?" Draco asked him.

"That's dragonshit," Harry scoffed. "It's all part of your image. I don't believe a word of it."

Draco looked stung. "You don't believe me?" he asked.

"No," Harry answered.

"No?" Draco asked again.

"Did I stutter?"

Draco walked over to him and rolled up one of his sleeves of his robes to reveal a burn on his arm.

"Do you believe_ this_? Huh? It's about the size of a wand…_Do I stutter_? You see, this is what you get in my house when you drop ink on the upholstery!"

Harry winced at the burn on Draco's arm and Hermione nearly gasped.

Draco walked away from Harry.

"See," he continued. "I don't think I need to sit here with you fucking dildos anymore!" he said angrily. He backed away from the others and angrily knocked off rolls of parchment and a few books that were set on one of the back tables. He climbed up onto the table and sat down on the second floor balcony.

Luna looked from Draco to Harry and back, looking both angry and disappointed.

As Draco sat alone, Hermione glared at Harry. "You shouldn't have said that!" she told him.

"How would I know? I mean, he lies about everything anyway," Harry said, defending himself.

Across the hall, Snape was finishing his lunch. As he was cleaning up the desk, his elbow knocked over the cup he had been drinking his tea with on the floor. He reached into his pocket for his wand to fix the broken cup, but it wasn't in there. He then realized he'd left it his cupboard in his classroom. He cursed under his breath and left the room to fetch it.

A second or two after he left, Draco gingerly tiptoed out of the room, followed by Hermione, Harry, Neville and Luna.

"How do you know where Professor Snape went?" Hermione asked Draco.

"I don't," he answered.

"Well, then, how do you know when he'll be back?"

"I don't. Being bad feels pretty good, doesn't it, Granger?"

"What's the point of going to the Room of Requirement?" Neville asked Harry.

Harry shrugged. "Beats me," he answered.

"This is so stupid," Neville continued. "Why are we risking getting caught?"

"I don't know," Harry answered.

"So, then what are we doing?"

"You ask me one more question and I'm beating the shit out of you," Harry told him, looking annoyed.

"Sorry," Neville replied, blushing.

After reaching the Room of Requirement, Draco opened the door. The room was a mess and Draco had all of his stuff strewn about. The five walked in and Draco pulled open a small, metal trunk with a padlock. He used his wand to unlock the padlock and tossed it on the floor.

"What a slob," Hermione commented.

"My house elf's on vacation," he told her sarcastically as he pulled open a large bag. He opened and pulled out another smaller bag. Inside the smaller bag was an even smaller one. Inside that, he pulled out a small cloth. Wrapped inside was marijuana, a Muggle drug.

"Drugs?" Neville asked, his eyes nearly popping out of his sockets.

"Screw that, Malfoy! Put it back!" Harry replied. Draco ignored him and stuffed the pot in his pocket and walked off. Hermione followed him.

"Drugs…the boy had marijuana. That was marijuana," Neville said to Harry, still in disbelief.

"Shut up," Harry snapped, walking off.

"Do you approve of this?" Neville asked Luna, who was still standing in the room, staring at Neville oddly.

He didn't wait for an answer and walked away.

After he left, Luna spotted the lock Draco had thrown on the floor. She picked it up and tossed it into her bag and walked out of the Room of Requirement, closing the door behind her.

"Where are we going?" Harry asked Draco as the five tiptoed quietly through a corridor.

"If we take a shortcut through the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom, we should make it back to the library," Draco replied.

"Well, you'd better be right, asshole," Harry retorted.

The five continued walking. Just at that moment, they all spotted Snape with his back facing them. They all turned around frantically running quietly the other way.

After running a bit, Draco stopped to catch his breath.

"Wait, wait! Hold it! We have to cut through the Great Hall!" he said.

"No, the History of Magic classroom!" Harry argued.

"You don'tknow what you're talking about!" Draco replied.

"No, _you don't_ know what you're talking about!" Harry shot back.

Luna gave out a nervous squeak.

"Now, we're through listening to you, Malfoy," Harry replied. "We're going this way. Let's go!"

The four of them followed Harry down the end of a corridor that was blocked by an iron gate of magic-repellent metal.

"Shit!" Harry exclaimed, feeling stupid.

"Great job, jack-off," Draco snapped at Harry.

"Fuck you," Harry snapped back.

"Fuck _you_!" Hermione said to Harry. "Why didn't you just listen to Draco?"

"That's it. We're dead," Neville said hopelessly.

Draco shook his head. "No," he said. "Just me."

The other four looked at him confusingly.

"Get back to the library. Hold onto this," Draco said as shoved the pot into the front of Neville's pants. He then ran down the corridor, loudly singing another Weird Sisters song.

Snape was just coming from the other side of the corridor when he heard Draco's loud singing. He started running, trying to find him.

Five minutes later, he found Draco in the Great Hall, bouncing Gobstones against the walls.

"Malfoy! What are you doing? What is this?" Snape asked him angrily.

"Oh, hello," Draco greeted him as if Snape were his acquaintance. He threw another Gobstone and it flew underneath the Hufflepuff table.

"Out! That's it, Malfoy! It's over!" Snape continued, his face growing red.

"Don't you want hear my excuse?" Draco asked, balancing a Gobstone on his nose.

"OUT!" Snape screamed.

"I was thinking of trying out for a scholarship. And then, I figured I might as well practice. Those Gobstone players are really competitive."

"Give me that, Malfoy," Snape demanded. Draco poised for another throw as he pretended to throw the Gobstone at Snape. He tossed it to him as he started to walk away. Snape furiously threw the Gobstone at Draco and missed. Draco picked up his bag and Snape escorted him back to the library.

When Snape and Draco arrived back, the others were still in their seats, looking innocent. Snape gave Draco a small shove as Draco made his way back to his seat. "Get your stuff! Let's go!" he barked to him.

"Since Mr. Malfoy made it his way to go to the Great Hall, I'm sorry to inform you that you be continuing your detention without Mr. Malfoy's services for the rest of the day," he told the other students.

"B-O-O-H-O-O," Draco replied sarcastically, pouting his lip.

"Everything's a joke to you, isn't it, Malfoy? That false alarm you pulled yesterday. False alarms are _really_ funny, aren't they? What if your home…what if your family…" he said, pausing. "What if your _dope_ was on fire?"

"Impossible, sir," Draco replied. "It's in Longbottom's pants."

Harry chuckled while Neville looked somewhat frantic.

Snape turned to Harry. "You think he's funny? You think this is cute? You think he's bitchin'? Is that what it is? Let me tell you all something; look at him. He's a bum," Snape announced. "You want see something funny? You go and see Draco Malfoy in five years and see how funny he is."

Draco gave Snape an angry glare, trying his best not to cry. Snape took notice of it and walked towards him, crouching down to meet his glance.

"Are you going to cry, Malfoy?" he taunted sneeringly.

Draco didn't answer.

Snape gripped Draco's wrist. "Let's go!" he ordered.

"Hey! Keep your fucking hands off me! I expected better manners from you, you know!"

As the two of them left, Draco began pushing items off the librarian's desk as a protest that he wasn't about to leave quietly.

Snape shoved him a large supply closet. After he closed the door, he turned to look at Draco menacingly. "That's it, Malfoy. That's the last time you make me look like a fool in front of those kids. Do you hear me? I make 31,000 galleons a year and I'm _not _about to throw that away on a punk like you! But someday, when you're out of here and have forgotten all about this place and they've forgotten all about you, and you're all wrapped up in your own pathetic life, I'll be there. That's right and I'm going to kick the living shit out of you!" he threatened.

"Are you threatening me?" Draco asked.

"What are you going to do about it? You think anybody's going to believe you? Do you think anyone is going to take your word over mine? I'm a man of respect around here. They love me around here. I'm a swell guy and you're a lying sack of shit! And everybody knows it."

He walked towards Draco much closely. He crouched in front of him and closed his eyes. "Come on! You're a tough bloke, Mr. Malfoy! Come on, on your feet! I want to know how tough you are! Come one! I'll give you the first hit. Just one shot, _please_, I'm begging you! Come on, that's all I need. Just one swing!"

Draco stared at Snape, looking cautious and frightful. Snape made a fake punch at Draco and he flinched.

Snape smirked. "Just as I thought," he replied. "You're nothing but a gutless coward."

He left the closet and locked Draco inside.

After he'd left, Draco dug into his pocket and pulled out his wand. He pointed it at the ceiling and muttered a spell which forced it to open up like a slide door. He climbed up and disappeared. As he crawled his way through the ceiling, the ceiling on which he was crawling upon gave way and he fell through, yelling. "Oh, shittttttttttt!" he yelled as he crashed onto the floor.

Hermione, Harry, Neville and Luna turned their heads towards where the noise had come from. Draco appeared, walking down the stairs a second later. "I forgot my quill," he said, shrugging. He ignored the other students' looks of shock.

A second later, Snape's voice could be heard. Draco hid underneath Harry and Hermione's table and the others sat back down in their seats.

Snape burst into the room. "What the bloody hell is going on in here? What was that ruckus?"

"What ruckus?" Harry asked innocently.

"I was in my office and I heard a ruckus!" Snape insisted.

"Could you describe the ruckus, sir?" Neville asked him.

"Watch it, young man, watch it!" Snape warned him.

"We're being honest, sir. We weren't making any noise," Hermione replied.

All the while, Draco was still hiding underneath the table. As he turned his head, he could see Hermione's knickers through the skirt she was wearing. Draco put his head between her legs and bit her thigh.

"Ouc-aw-choo!" Hermione replied, trying to cover up the pain from Draco's bite with a fake sneeze. She stepped on Draco's knee, which caused him to hit his head on the table. He groaned.

Hermione and Harry started making more noise to cover Draco's noises.

"What is that noise?" Snape asked, puzzled.

The four students suddenly went into fake coughing fits.

"Was that the noise you were talking about?" Hermione asked.

"No, that was _not_ the noise I was talking about. I may not have caught you in the act this time, but you can bet I will," Snape snapped.

Luna laughed at Snape and Snape turned to her. "You make bet on that, missy!" he said to her.

"And you, Miss Granger. I will _not be made a fool of_!" he hissed, walking off.

Hermione rolled her eyes as Draco crawled out from underneath the table. Everyone else giggled except for Hermione as she slapped Draco's back.

"You're an asshole," she seethed.

Draco got up from the floor.

"So sue me," he said.

He walked towards Neville. "Longbottom, let's hand over that pot," he said.

Neville unzipped his pants, reached into them and handed the marijuana to him. Draco walked away towards the back of the library.

"Hey, you're not blazing up in here!" Harry replied. Draco ignored him.

Hermione looked towards where Draco had gone and then back to Harry. She looked extremely antsy and apprehensive.

Harry shook his head as if to say, _'No. Don't do it.'_

Hermione sighed. She got up from the table and followed Draco.

Neville sighed loudly after Hermione had gone. Harry turned to face him.

Neville mouthed to him, 'I'm going. Are you?'

Harry shook his head.

Neville sighed. Then he got up, zipped his pants back up and headed in the direction of Draco and Hermione.

Harry groaned. He dropped his arms down in defeat.

"Shit," he muttered to himself as he got up from seat and followed the other three.

Luna looked on with interest behind the statue.

As Draco lit up Hermione's joint, Neville had already taken a hit of his and was laughing hysterically. Draco laughed, shaking his head.

Hermione rolled her eyes as she took a puff of hers. On the first hit, she coughed loudly, but then took a second one. Draco and Neville laughed.

"You see, lassies cannot hold dey smoke. That's what it is," Neville informed everyone in a strange voice.

Hermione giggled. "Do you know how popular I am?" she asked, smiling and looking loopy. "I am _so _popular. Everyone loves me at this school."

"Poor baby," Draco replied.

The three laughed so hard, Neville fell out of his seat.

As the rest continued smoking, Harry stepped out of another room and began dancing. Hermione, Draco and Neville clapped and cheered, laughing hysterically. Luna continued staring at the four of them by the statue.

After the high had worn itself off, Harry and Neville were sitting on black chairs, talking.

"You got a middle name?" Harry asked Neville out of the blue.

"I guess," Neville answered.

Luna, who had since been watching the other students from the statue, took a sudden interest in the conversation. "Your middle name is Robert," she said, walking toward the two boys. Harry and Neville gave her a confused look.

"Your birthday is July 31, you're 5'9 and ½, you weigh 130 pounds and your social security number is 6-0-1-3-8-2-4-8-5."

She sat down in a seat next to Neville.

"Wow. Are you a psychic?" Harry asked her.

"No," Luna replied.

"Well, you would like to explain how you know so much about me?" Neville asked, a little freaked out by the fact that Luna knew all that personal knowledge about him.

Luna reached into her grey bag and pulled out his wallet.

"I stole your wallet," she said, grinning.

"Give it back," he demanded.

"No," she said playfully.

"Give it."

Luna reluctantly handed it to him. Neville scanned through his wallet to make sure everything was the way he'd left it.

"This is great. You're a thief," Neville continued.

"I'm not a thief," Luna said rashly.

"Multitalented," Neville remarked.

"What's there to steal, anyway?" Luna asked. "Three knuts, five sickles, one galleon and a beaver shot!" she scoffed.

Harry's eyes widened. "_A what?_" he exclaimed.

"He's got a nudie pic in there. It's perverted!" Luna added, smirking.

"Well, let's see it!" Harry exclaimed. Neville just blushed.

On the other side of the room, Draco was checking himself out in Hermione's compact mirror that he'd taken from her purse while Hermione was looking through Draco's wallet photos.

"Are all of these girls your girlfriends?" Hermione asked in disbelieve at all of the Slytherin schoolgirls Draco had in his wallet.

"Some of them," Draco answered.

"Well, what do you consider the rest?" Hermione asked.

"Well, some I consider my girlfriends and some I just…consider."

Hermione gave Draco a confused look. "Consider _what_?" she asked.

"Whether I want to hang out with them or not," he told her.

"You don't believe in just one guy and one girl?" Hermione asked.

"Do you?" Draco asked.

"Yeah. I mean, that's the way it should be."

"Well, notfor _me_."

"Why not?" Hermione wanted to know.

"How come you've got so much shit in your purse?" Draco asked, wanting to change the subject.

"How come _you've _got so many girlfriends?"

"I asked you first."

Hermione shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. I guess I just never throw anything away," she answered.

"Oh," Draco replied.

Meanwhile, Harry, Neville and Luna were talking. Harry had taken a glimpse at Neville's ID and laughed.

"This has g_ot_ to be the worst fake ID I've ever seen!" he exclaimed. Neville laughed as well.

"Do you just realize you made yourself seventy?" Harry asked, chuckling.

Neville nodded. "Yeah, I know. I goofed it," he admitted.

"What do you need an ID for, anyway?" Harry asked, tossing the wallet on the table.

"So I can vote!" Neville replied as if it were an obvious action to do.

Luna perked up. "Hey, you lot wanna see what's in my bag?" she asked.

Neville and Harry looked at each other. "No," the two of them said in unison.

Luna looked hurt. She glared at them resentfully and then dumped all of the contents of her bag on the table in front of them. Contents of junk Luna had collected spilled out all over the table, including Draco's knife and lock.

"Holy shit!" Harry exclaimed, his mouth open.

"Do you always carry this much shit in your bag?" Neville asked her.

"Yeah," Luna replied. "I always carry this much shit in my bag. You never know when you might have to run away."

Neville gave her a weird look. "Are you going to be like one of those weird Muggle shopping-bag ladies?" he asked. "You know, sitting in alleyways, talking to buildings…that kind of thing?"

Luna shook her head. "I'll do whatever I have to do," she answered.

"Well, _why_ do you have to do _anything_?" he asked.

"Because…my home life…is…unsatisfying," she replied.

"So what you're saying is that you'd _subject_ yourself to the violent streets of Knockturn Alley just because your home life is _unsatisfying_?" Neville asked in disbelief.

"I don't have to live on the streets," Luna said. "I could go to the ocean. I could go to the country…Israel, America, Africa, Ireland…Spain…Afghanistan."

Neville didn't answer her. Instead, he turned to Harry. "Harry, you want to get on this?" he asked. "Luna here says she wants to run away because her home life is unsatisfying," he told him.

Harry looked deep in thought. Then he spoke, "Well, everyone's home life is unsatisfying," he answered. "And if it wasn't, people would want to live with their families forever."

"Yes. I understand that," Neville said, nodding. "But I think that hers goes beyond what blokes like you and I would consider _normal _unsatisfying."

Luna scowled. "Never mind! Forget it!" she snapped, shoving all of her junk back into her bag huffily. "Everything's cool!"

"What's the deal?" Harry asked.

"No. There is no deal, _scarhead_. Forget it. Just leave me alone," Luna snapped.

Harry touched her arm. "Now wait a minute. You're carrying all that crap around in your purse. Either you really _want_ to run away or you want people to _think_ you want to run away."

"_Eat shit!_" Luna hissed as she got up and walked away.

"That girl is on her own little island," Neville replied, shaking his head.

Harry groaned and followed her. He found her by one of the library's many rows of books. Luna was sitting, crouched against one of the shelves by herself.

"Hi," Harry said to her cautiously. "You wanna talk?"

"No!" Luna answered.

"Why not?"

"Go away!"

"Where do you want me to go?" Harry asked her.

"GO AWAY!" Luna yelled more firmly.

Harry sighed. He turned around and began to leave.

Luna's eyes filled with tears. "You have problems," she told Harry before he'd left.

"Oh, _I_ have problems?" Harry asked her angrily.

"You do anything anybody ever tells you to do! _That is a problem_!"

"Okay, fine. But I didn't dump my purse out onto the table and invite other people into _my _problems, did I?"

Luna looked down, her face wet with tears. Harry lightly touched Luna's shoulder to comfort her. "So what's wrong?" he asked her gently. "What is it? Is it bad? Something real bad? Is it your family?" he asked.

Luna brought her face up to look at him. Silent tears flowed down her face. "Yeah. It's my father," she confessed. Harry nodded.

"What does he do to you?" he asked.

Luna gulped. "He ignores me," she told him.

Harry nodded understandingly. He understood just how she felt. Harry had a family the exact same way. "Yeah," he replied. "I understand just how you feel," he told her. He sat down next to her and wrapped his arm around her and let Luna cry on his shoulder.

Part Three is comin' soon!


	3. Chapter 3

Part Three

As the clock winded its ways down to 12:30, Hermione, Harry, Draco, Luna and Neville sat on the floor of the library in a circle, discussing school among other things.

"What would you do for a million galleons, Harry?" Hermione asked him, smiling.

Harry frowned. "Hmmm…what would I do for a million galleons?" he repeated, his face creased with thought. "Well, I guess I'd do as little as I had to," he concluded.

Hermione snorted. "That's _boring_," she replied, rolling her eyes.

"Well, how am I supposed to answer?" Harry asked.

"The _idea_, Harry, is to search your mind for the absolute limit," Hermione told him. "Like…um," she said, trying to think of something daring and risky. "Like…would you walk to the Leaky Cauldron absolutely naked?"

Harry laughed. "Would I have to wear the invisibility cloak?" he asked.

Hermione shook her head mischievously. "No cloak," she said.

"To the front of the inn or the back?" he asked.

"Either," she answered.

"Yes. I'd do it," Harry told her.

Hermione's mouth flew open. She then laughed.

"I'd do that, too," Luna said. Everyone turned to look at her. "I'll do anything sexual. I don't need a million galleons to do it, either."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You're lying," she said.

"I already have," Luna insisted. "I've done just about everything there is. Except for a few things that are illegal. I'm a nymphomaniac!"

Hermione rolled her eyes again. "Lie," she said.

"Is anyone in your family aware of this?" Neville asked, looking concerned.

"The only person I ever told was my shrink-healer at St. Mungo's," Luna replied.

"And what'd he do when you told him?" Harry asked.

Luna grinned. "He nailed me!" she said.

Hermione looked disgusted. "Very nice," she said sarcastically.

"I don't think that from a legal standpoint what he did can be construed as rape because I paid him," Luna added.

Hermione's mouth flew open with disgust. "But he's an adult!" she exclaimed, aghast.

"Yeah! Plus, he's married, too!" Luna added, smiling happily.

"_Ugh_! Do you have any idea how absolutely_ gross_ that sounds?" Hermione asked, her face twisted with horror and disgust.

"Well, the first few times-" Luna began.

"_First few times!_? You mean he's done it more than once?" Hermione asked.

Luna shrugged. "Sure," she said.

"Are you crazy?"

"Obviously she's crazy if she's screwing her shrink-healer," Neville said.

Luna looked at Hermione with a straight face. "Have you ever done it?" she asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I don't even have a psychiatrist," she said, trying to avoid Luna's question.

"Okay, have you ever done it with a _normal_ person?" Luna rephrased.

"Didn't we already cover this?" Hermione asked annoyingly.

"You never answered the question," Draco pointed out.

"Look, I'm not about to discuss my private life in front of all of you, so forget about it, alright!" Hermione replied.

"It's kind of like a double-edged sword, isn't it?" Luna asked.

"A _what_?" Hermione asked, glaring at Luna.

"Well, if you say you haven't had sex, you're a prude. If you say you have, you're a slut. It's a trap. You want to, but you can't. But when you do, you wish you didn't, right?" Luna asked.

Hermione shook her head. "Wrong," she told her sneeringly.

"Or are you a tease?" Luna asked.

"She's a tease," Draco concluded.

"Why don't you forget it?" Hermione asked again.

"Just admit it: You're a tease. All girls are teases," Harry replied.

"She's only a tease if what she does makes you hot," Draco clarified.

"I don't do anything!" Hermione exclaimed.

"That's why…you're a tease," Luna taunted.

Hermione smiled a little as she decided to turn the tables on Luna.

"Okay, let me ask you a few questions," she said to Luna. Luna looked defensive.

"I've already told you everything!" she cried out.

"No! Doesn't it bother you to sleep around without being in love? I mean, don't you want any respect?"

Luna smirked at Hermione. "I don't screw to get respect. That's the difference between you and me," she said to her evenly.

"Not the _only _difference, I hope," Hermione remarked.

"Face it, Granger," Draco replied. "You're a tease."

"I'm not a tease!" Hermione insisted.

"Sure you are. You said it yourself. Sex is a weapon. You use it to get respect."

Hermione's mouth flew open. "I never said that! She twisted my words around!" she protested.

"Are you medically frigid, Granger, or it psychological?" Draco asked, trying to push Hermione's buttons.

"I didn't mean it that way! You lot are putting words into my mouth!"

"Well, we wouldn't if you'd just _answer_ the question," Draco replied, rolling his eyes.

"Why don't you just answer the question?" Neville agreed.

"Be honest," Harry added.

"Yeah, no big deal, Granger," Draco said.

"Yeah, come on! Answer it!" Neville said.

"Answer the question, Hermione!" Harry prodded.

"Talk to us!" Draco said.

Hermione put both of her hands to her head, feeling the immense pressure she was under.

"NO! ALRIGHT! I NEVER DID IT!" she screamed, shutting everyone else up.

Everyone was finally quiet. A second later, Luna spoke up.

"I never did it, either," she admitted, nearly smiling. Everyone turned to look at her in shock and confusion. "I'm not a nymphomaniac. I'm a compulsive liar."

Hermione's face went red with anger and embarrassment. "You are such a bitch!" she raged, glaring at Luna. "You did that on purpose just to fuck me over!"

"I would do it, though," Luna explained. "If you love someone, it's okay."

Hermione shook her head with contempt and anger. "I can't believe you," she ranted. "You're _so_ weird. You don't say _anything_ all day and then when you open your mouth, you unload all these tremendous lies all over me!"

"You're just pissed off because she got you to admit to something you didn't want to admit to," Harry said.

"Okay, fine! But it doesn't make it any less bizarre!"

"What's bizarre?" Harry asked. "I mean, we're all pretty bizarre. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others, that's all."

"How are you bizarre?" Hermione asked him.

"He can't think for himself," Luna said, speaking for him.

Harry nodded. "She's right," he said. Everyone went quiet for a second or two.

"Hey," Harry spoke up. "Do you guys want to know what I did to get in here? I put a hex on Euan Abercrombie."

Neville looked surprised. "That was you?" he asked.

"You know him?" Harry asked.

Neville nodded. "Not personally, but I know him," he said.

"Well, I guess you know how skinny and weak he is, huh? When they were taking the hex off in the infirmary, I heard that some of the hair from his body came off. Some skin, too."

Hermione winced. "Oh, my God," she said.

"And the bizarre thing was, is that I did it because of my uncle Vernon. I tortured that poor kid because of how angry I was at my uncle. He hates people who are weak. He's always been sort of abusive towards me, you know? So I'm leaving Quidditch practice to go back to the Gryffindor common room when I saw this kid Euan Abercrombie and these thoughts about my uncle and his attitudes towards weakness flew throughout my mind. And the next thing I knew, all these frustrations built up inside me and this hex flew from my wand. All of my teammates on my team were there, laughing and cheering me on. And when I sat in Snape's office, all I could think about was Abercrombie's father, him having to explain what happened to him when he returned from school and the humiliation, the _fucking_ humiliation he must have felt," Harry paused as he started to cry. "I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There's just no way. It's all because of him, my aunt and my cousin. I _fucking_ hate them! '_We won't tolerate any losers or freaks in this family! You're nothing but a freak, you worthless piece of shit!_'" Harry quoted his uncle. He then continued. "You know, sometimes I wish Lord Voldemort would kill me or someone would kill them so I wouldn't ever have to see them again," he said, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"I think my family and your family should get together for tea," Draco said, breaking the awkward silence.

Harry breathed a small laugh as he continued wiping the tears from his face.

Neville stood up, wiping his eyes. "It's like me, you know," he said. "With my grades. Like when I step outside myself. When I take a look at myself, I don't like what I see. I really don't."

"Why don't you like yourself?" Hermione asked sadly.

"I'm stupid because I'm failing Divination. See, Professor Trelawney gave us this assignment to write down everything we were thinking about everyday in this diary. We had eight weeks to do it and at the end of the eight weeks, she would use our thoughts to see our inner minds or whatever. I hardly wrote anything in it because I was busy trying to keep up with all my other classes, you know? I got a Dreadful on it and I never got a D in my life. When I saw I had that class, I thought it'd be a real easy way to maintain my grade point average."

Draco frowned. "Why'd you think it'd be easy?" he asked.

"Have you seen some of the dopes that pass Divination?" Neville asked incredulously.

"_I'm _actually passing Divination," Draco replied. "You must be a fucking idiot!" he snapped.

"I'm a fucking idiot because I can't keep a journal?" Neville asked.

"No, you're a genius because you can't keep a journal."

"What do you know about Herbology?" Neville asked him.

"I could care less about Herbology," Draco replied.

"Well, did you know that without plants, humans wouldn't be able to breathe fresh oxygen?" Neville asked.

"Without birthdays, there'd be no zodiac," Draco replied.

"Okay," Hermione butted in. "So, neither of you are better than the other."

"I can write with my toes!" Luna replied, feeling left out. "I can also eat, brush my teeth-"

"With your _feet_?" Hermione asked.

"And play the Hogwarts school song on the piano," Luna finished.

"I can make spaghetti," Neville said.

"What can you do?" Hermione asked Harry.

"I can, uh, hex all the hair off your heads," he said, chuckling a little.

"I want to see what Hermione can do," Draco replied, turning to Hermione.

Hermione shook her head. "I can't do anything," she said modestly.

"Everybody can do something," Draco replied. "I mean, have you seen how Olivander keeps track of every single wand he sells? He's been doing that for practically forever."

Hermione sighed. "Well…I can do this one thing. No, wait. Forget it. It's way too embarrassing."

"Come on, do it. I wanna see!" Luna said.

Hermione sighed again. "Okay, but you lot have to promise not to laugh."

Everyone, including Draco, promised.

Hermione reached into her purse and pulled out her lipstick. "I cannot believe I'm doing this," she muttered. She put the lipstick in between her cleavage, put her head down and applied the lipstick to her lips. She then brought her head up and took the lipstick from her cleavage, the lipstick on her lips applied perfectly. Everyone clapped with enthusiasm, except for Draco, who was clapping very slowly with sarcasm.

"Where'd you learn that?" Harry asked.

"At Muggle primary school, when I was nine," Hermione replied as she put the lipstick back into her purse.

"That was great,_ really _great, Granger," Draco drawled sarcastically. "My image of you is _totally_ blown!"

Luna glared at him. "You're a shit," she said to Draco. "Don't do that to her! You promised you wouldn't laugh!"

"Am I laughing?" Draco asked her.

"You fucking prick!" Harry replied, glaring at Draco.

Draco glared back. "What do you care what I think anyways, Potter? I don't even _count_, right? _I could disappear forever and it wouldn't make any difference_. I may as well not even exist at this school, _remember_?" he asked, quoting Harry's words from earlier in the day. He turned to Hermione. "And_ you_ don't like me, anyway," he replied.

"I have just as many feelings as you do and it hurts just as much when somebody steps all over them!" Hermione replied, her face blotchy with tears.

"Goodness, you're so pathetic!" Draco said angrily. "Don't you _ever_ compare yourself to me, okay? You've got everything and I've got shit! Fuckin' Rapunzel, right? This school would probably shut down if you ever left. _Princess Hermione_ isn't here!" He exclaimed.

He glanced at the earrings Hermione was wearing. "I like those earrings, Granger?" he said.

"Shut up," Hermione said.

"Are those _real_ diamonds, Granger?" Draco asked her tauntingly.

"Shut up!" Hermione said, her voice escalating.

"I bet they are," Draco continued.

"Shut your mouth!"

"Have you _ever_ worked at all to get those earrings? Or did your mommy or daddy buy you those?"

"Shut up!" Hermione replied furiously as she started to cry.

"I bet they did buy those for you! I'll bet those are a _Christmas gift_! You _know _what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner fucking year at the old Malfoy house! I didn't receive _anything_ because my fucking father's in Azkaban and my mother's all fucked up in the head, sleeping around with other blokes! At least you've got parents that give a damn about you! Okay, so go home and cry to your daddy. Don't cry here."

Harry shook his head. "Merlin, are we going to end up like our families?" he asked.

Hermione shook her head firmly. "Not me," she said. "Not _ever_."

"It's unavoidable," Luna replied. "It just happens."

"What happens?" Hermione asked.

"When you grow up, your heart dies," Luna explained, on the verge of tears.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Who cares?" he asked.

"I care," Luna said, almost in a whisper. Her eyes were full of tears.

Neville looked up. "Um, I was just thinking," he said. "I mean, I know it's kind of a weird time, but I was just wondering…uh…what's going to happen to all of us come Monday? When we're all really together again? I mean, I consider you guys my friends. I'm not wrong, am I?"

"No," Harry replied.

"So, on Monday, what happens?" Neville asked.

"Are we all still friends, you mean?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah."

"Do you want the truth, Neville?" Hermione asked.

Neville nodded. "Yes. I want the truth."

"I don't think so," Hermione admitted.

"Well, do you mean with all of us or just Draco?" Luna questioned.

"With all of you," Hermione stated.

"That's a real nice attitude, Hermione," Harry told her bitterly.

"Oh, be honest, Harry," Hermione replied. "What if Neville came walking up to you in the Great Hall on Monday? What would you do? I mean, picture this: You're there with all your teammates. I know exactly what'd you do: You'd say hi to him and then when he left, you'd make fun of him so all your friends wouldn't think that you _really_ liked him."

Harry shook his head. "No way," he said.

"'Kay, what if I came up to you?" Luna asked.

"Same thing," Hermione told her.

"You are a bitch!" Draco yelled suddenly at Hermione furiously.

"Why? Because I'm telling the truth? That makes me a bitch?" Hermione asked angrily.

"No! Because you know how shitty that is to do to someone and you don't have the guts to stand up to your friends and tell them you're gonna like who you wanna like!"

"Okay, what you, you hypocrite?" Hermione snapped. "Why don't you take Luna to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Neville out to the Quidditch grounds at lunch to get high? What about Harry? What about _me_ for that matter? What would your friends say if they saw us walking down the corridors together? I know exactly what they'd do: They'd laugh their asses off and you'd probably tell them you had nothing to do with me so they'd forgive you for being seen with me."

Draco looked angry. "Don't you _ever_ talk about my friends!" he shouted. "You don't even _know_ any of my friends, you don't _look_ at any of my friends and you most certainly wouldn't condescend to _speak_ to any of my friends! So you just stick to the things you know; shopping, nail polish, your Muggle father's cars and your poor-rich-drunk mother in the Caribbean!"

"SHUT UP!" Hermione shouted furiously, reaching out to kick Draco. She missed and angry tears streamed down her face.

"As far as being concerned about what's gonna happen when you and I walk down the corridors at school, you can forget it! Because it's _never_ gonna happen, okay!? Just bury your head in the sand and wait for the next fucking Yule Ball!" he continued.

"I hate you!" Hermione screeched.

"Yeah? Good!"

There was silence.

"Then, I assume that Luna and I are better people than you lot, huh?" Neville asked. "Us weirdoes?" He turned to face Luna. "Would you do that to me?" he asked her.

"I don't have any friends," Luna told him.

"Well, if you did," Neville said, giving her a scenario.

Luna shook her head. "No," she replied. "I don't think those are the kinds of friends I'd have in mind."

Neville gave her a small smile. Then he turned to face everyone else. "Well, I just want to tell each of you that I wouldn't do that," he said truthfully. "I wouldn't and will _not_! Because I think that's real shitty."

"Your friends wouldn't mind because they look up to us," Hermione said.

Neville took a deep breath as he tried not to cry, but instead he almost laughed.

"You're so conceited, Hermione," he said, shaking his head as he tried to wipe the tears from his eyes. "You're so conceited. You're so _full _of yourself. Why are you like that?"

"I'm not saying that to be conceited," Hermione said as she started to cry again. "I hate it! I hate having to go along with everything my friends say!"

"Well, then why do you do it?" Neville asked.

"I don't know. I really don't. You just don't understand, Neville. You're not friends with the same kinds of people Harry and I are friends with! You know, you just don't understand the pressure they can put on you!"

Neville gave Hermione a shocked look. "I don't understand _what_? You think I don't understand pressure, Hermione? Well fuck you! Fuck you!" Neville yelled. He bowed his head as he started to cry. "Do you guys know why I'm here?" he asked. "DO YOU!?"

He brought his head up. "I'm here because a prefect found a gun in my trunk."

"Why'd you have a gun in your trunk?" Harry asked him, somewhat sternly.

"I tried. That stupid fucking diary…I tried to keep up with it and I didn't…I mean…"

"What's the gun for, Neville?" Harry asked again.

"Just forget it," Neville said.

"You brought it up!"

"I can't have a D. I can't have it and I know my grandmother can't have it. Even if I aced the rest of the semester, I'm still only an Acceptable. And everything's ruined for me!"

"Oh, Neville," Hermione said sympathetically. Neville slammed his arm into one of the chairs in frustration.

"So, I consider my options, you know?" Neville continued.

"No, Neville! Killing yourself is _not_ an option!" Hermione exclaimed.

"Well, I didn't do it, did I? No, I don't think so!" Neville snapped.

"It was a Muggle handgun?" Luna asked.

"No, it was one of those flare guns. It went off in my trunk."

"Really?" Harry asked, trying hard not to laugh.

"It's not funny," Neville said. Everyone else began to laugh. After a while, Neville started laughing. "Yes, it is," he agreed. "That fucking diary burned to cinders," he added.

"You wanna know what I did to get in here?" Luna asked. She smiled, not waiting for a reply. "Nothing. I didn't have anything better to do," she admitted.

Everyone cracked up.

"You're laughing at me!" Luna exclaimed.

"No, we aren't!" Harry said.

Luna began laughing. "Yeah, you are," she said.

Everyone fell on the floor with laughter.

Later that day, after the five students finished dancing in the library to a small magical radio Luna had smuggled in from home, Draco made his way back to the closet through the ceiling. Harry, Hermione, Luna and Neville all sat on the second story railing chatting with each other.

"Neville?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to write your paper?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well, don't you think it's kind of a waste for _all _of us to write a paper, don't you think?"

"But that's what Professor Snape wants us to do," Neville said.

"True, but I think we'd all kind of say the same thing."

"You just don't want to write your paper," Neville said.

Hermione blushed. "True, but you're very smart, Neville."

"_Please_. I'm not _half _as smart as you, Hermione."

Hermione laughed. "Neville, you're the one who has the special way of words. I'm no poet when it comes to writing creative things. We all trust you," she said.

Neville glanced at Harry and Luna, who both nodded in approval.

"Oh, well," Neville said proudly. "Alright, I'll do it."

Hermione smiled at him. "Great," she said with a reassuring grin.

Hermione and Luna looked at one another. Hermione tugged the sleeve of Luna's sweater.

"Come on," she said to Luna.

"Where're we going?" Luna asked her in surprise.

"Come on!" Hermione said.

Hermione took Luna to a nearby ladies' room and began her work of putting makeup on Luna.

"Don't be afraid," Hermione said to Luna as she attempted to put light-colored eyeliner under Luna's eyes.

"Don't stick that in my eye!" Luna exclaimed.

"I'm _not_ sticking it. Just close your eyes. Like this." Hermione demonstrated by closing her eyes and Luna copied her.

"Good," Hermione said, continuing putting on the eyeliner. Luna squealed.

"You know, you really do look a lot better without all that black shit under your eyes," Hermione complemented, referring to the dark eyeliner Luna had been wearing earlier.

"Hey, I _like_ that black shit," Luna replied.

"Now, this looks a lot better," Hermione said. "Look up," she said, applying mascara to Luna's long eyelashes.

"Please, why're you being so nice to me?" Luna asked.

Hermione paused in her work. She gave Luna a bright smile. "Because you're letting me," she answered.

Luna smiled back.

As Neville began writing the paper and Harry was sitting down with boredom, Hermione found Draco in the supply closet.

She ducked in and closed the door behind her with her back.

"Are you lost?" Draco asked teasingly. He smiled at her, folding his arms.

Meanwhile, Luna timidly walked back into the classroom. Neville did a double take when he saw Luna. Luna had gone through a major transformation. Hermione had swept all her hair back away from her face and put on one of her blue headbands. Luna was wearing light blush on her cheeks, light eyeliner underneath her eyes and the mascara she was wearing made her eyelashes look longer than they were.

Neville looked at her with his mouth open. Luna glared at him.

Neville smiled at Luna. "Cool," he complemented her.

Luna smiled at him. "Thank you," she said.

Back in the closet, Hermione reached out and kissed Draco. After the brief kiss, the two of them smiled at each other.

"Why'd you do that?" Draco asked her.

"Because I knew you wouldn't," she told him. There was a brief silence before Hermione spoke again.

"Tell me something," Hermione said. "Were you really disgusted about how I put on my lipstick?" she asked, referring to the small trick she had done with the lipstick earlier.

"The truth?" Draco asked. He then smiled at her. "No," he answered.

Hermione smiled at him again, throwing her arms around him.

In the library, Neville had finished his paper. He kissed the top of it with approval and happiness. He gave himself a pat on the shoulder for a job well done. Meanwhile, Harry beamed at Luna, glancing at her with approve.

"What happened to you?" he asked.

"Why? Hermione did it! What's wrong?" Luna asked, building up self-conscience defense around her.

"Nothing's wrong," Harry told her. "It's just so different, that's all. I can see your face."

Luna frowned. "Is that good or bad?" she asked.

"It's good!" Harry said, smiling. He chuckled. Luna smiled.

At the end of the detention, the five students walked down the corridor to their respective places. Mr. Filch was sweeping the floors, muttering under his breath about how dirty and filthy all the Hogwarts students were. He looked up and his eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets. Hermione Granger's head was resting on Draco Malfoy's shoulder; Harry Potter was holding hands with Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom looked as if he were on cloud nine.

Mr. Filch scratched his head in confusion.

"See you next Saturday," Draco told him cheerfully as the five of them passed him.

"Uh, yes," he replied.

Draco escorted Hermione to Gryffindor's portrait hole. He kissed her. Hermione had to break the kiss to breathe. She took off one of her diamond earrings and gave it to Draco to keep as a keepsake. She waved to Draco, muttered the password and disappeared inside the common room. After she'd gone, Draco put the earring on.

Harry escorted Luna to her portrait hole in Ravenclaw. As the two of them kissed, Luna had ripped a small part of Harry's robes off his shoulder. After the two of them stopped kissing, Luna smiled at him and took off inside her common room after muttering her password.

Draco took off for the Quidditch field and went to his respective dorm back at Slytherin House, pumping his fist in the air.

Back in the library, Professor Snape went inside to collect the essays. Instead, he found one parchment on the table Neville Longbottom had been sitting at. He picked it up and began to read:

_Dear Professor Snape,_

_We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice an entire Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make **us** write an essay telling **you** who we think **we** are. You see us as you want to see us. In the simplest of terms, in the most convenient of definitions. But what we found out is that each of us is…_

_**Neville: A brain**_

_**Harry: And an athlete**_

_**Luna: And a basket case**_

_**Hermione: A princess**_

_**Draco: And a criminal**_

_Does that answer your question? _

_Sincerely yours,_

_The Breakfast Club_

**The End**


End file.
